A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs ( B.O.O.M.!) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or. It's a law, I believe."Will hit the "End Call" button on his battered cell phone with a sigh. The last thing he felt like doing this week was to take advantage of Bob's hospitality. His brother was so different from Will that not even the birth certificates had ever fully convinced him of a shared genetic lineage.Will's house stood in a quiet neighborhood of the quiet town of Ellsworth, Maine. This was Main Street, USA, where people left their doors unlocked, and where nobody gave much of a rat's ass about famous writers. This suited Will just fine. Ellsworth was just close enough to Boston and New York City to still have the convenience of proximity, and it was just far enough away from his mother's house in Augusta to offer a convenient excuse for limited family visits. His brother Bob lived in Knoxville, Tennessee, which was the ass end of the world as far as Will was concerned. Of course, it wouldn't have mattered much if Bob lived in the house down the street. Will and Bob had.
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