" I said."Well, I'm not getting you a dental lock, am I? You can still blow Chadif you want." I don't blow Chad." You think I don't know? You're gone five hours when you play golf. Ibet you like his putter. I never knew before, but all the women wantChad. I'll bet you do, too." It's not like that, Lauren."It's okay, Lulu. Let her out, that sissy inside you. You only liveonce."Yes. But evidently, you can die a thousand times.* *On Saturday night, Chad finally got laid.But it wasn't by Lauren.It was by me.For a man who thinks of himself as straight, for a married man who hadonly been with women, it was a shock. Chad had come over, and he hadbrought wine, and I had served them. Chad and Lauren spend most of thenight whispering and giggling.I was doing the dishes, trying not to watch the two of them as Chad madehis moves.And then a hand was on my back."Lauren wants me to be with you," Chad said. "It may pay off for melater, so we're going to fake having sex. Okay?" Fake?" Isn't that. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, “Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”Kid 1: “Hey, I bet you’re still a virgin.”Kid 2: “Yeah, I was a virgin until last night.”Kid 1: “As if.”Kid 2: “Yeah, just ask your sister.”Kid 1: “I don’t have a sister.”Kid 2: “You will in about nine months.”A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it’s still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, “Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn’t five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes.
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