I’m gonna lose it. I just know I’m gonna lose my mind. They’re going to put me away somewhere. A place where the world can forget about me. But I won’t forget. I can’t. Maybe I should just end it. It? Yes, it. End it all. It can’t be that hard to do. It would be a relief. Forever. Why not? I can’t face tomorrow. Heck, I can’t even face today. Look at my hands. They’re shaking. I’m tired. So very tired. I can’t take this anymore and there’s fuck all I can do about it. That’s the worst part of it. I’ve always been able to do something about it when shit happened. All I know now is what hollowness feels like. A great big fucking void sucking everything out of me. That’s all that’s left. A lifeless, useless shell of a man. My thoughts are only for myself. It’s a gray September day. I’m sitting on a park bench with weeping willows (what else) on either side and a small pond directly ahead surrounded by manicured lawns. The pond water is dark and still. No sunlight reflects on it.. Her best friend, Megan Graves, lived on the other side of the country, and while they maintained a voluminous phone and e-mail correspondence, Emma was sure something was being lost in translation. And it was hard to broach the topic to her local girl friends--especially since most of them had their significant others hanging on them at all times. Jason Castellano, who was a freshman at college, could do no such with his girlfriend, but her prestige had soared to amazing heights once it became known that she--Emma Stanton, of the plain brown hair and brown eyes, hardly the prettiest or most sexy of creatures--had snagged a college boy. Jason, a tall and haughty nineteen, might not dally around her neck all day, but his shadow sure did."You know they don't like me," Jason continued. "It's just 'cause I'm older and all that crap. And they're so conservative. They're shrinks, for God's sake."Emma didn't think that had anything to do with their being conservative. They were very.
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