I wanted to cling onto them, absorb them into me and make them mine. I wanted to use them to drive that thought of mine away. Chase it out and slam the door behind it. Bolt and chain the door so it could never get back in. It had scared me. It had scared me so much I couldn’t think straight. I don’t know where it came from. Danielle was totally right. Things weren’t that bad. I’d spent all evening being happy.Why on earth would I want to kill myself?Then I got to the point where her words had filled up my brain. There wasn’t any space left. But Danielle wanted to keep talking at me. If she did that, all the new words would spill straight back out of my head and drip uselessly down onto the floor.I carefully reached out and grasped Danielle’s arms, just below her shoulders. Then I pulled her towards me. I couldn’t move very well ‘cause I was on Dan’s lap and he was holding me very tightly. I leaned forward and kissed her gently on the lips. That stopped her talking. Then I slid my. Stepping off the train from Nice, she looked like she had just stepped out of a salon, instead of getting off of a five and a half hour train ride from the south of France. Her hair, worn tight against her head, was perfect, not a strand out of place, showing off her round face. Her makeup was impeccable, lipstick and cheekbones by the book. You had to be intimate with her to see the depth of powder and concealer that covered the dark circles under her eyes and fine wrinkles in the corners of her eyes and mouth and Rachel Staunton would never let someone get that close to her.Alex sat casually on the bench watching her direct a porter who was gathering up a couple of bags and putting them on a cart. The grand lady herself only seemed to carry a purse, in her hand rather than slung over her shoulder, so as not to wrinkle the cream silk blouse she was wearing. Alex was certain that her bra was of the finest quality, even if it made her breasts seem less than natural in the way they did.
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