If strictly a bodily sensation, physically, he would have climaxed uncontrollably and crashed down from his high ages ago. This was different, something that had to be luxuriated and bathed in. It was a tantric state in which he relished every second being in awash in rapture and gladness just embracing every essence of this incredible presence. His awareness was that only of hedonistic trance bestowed upon him by Verna. Verna was a drug with overwhelming intoxication, seducing, consuming, offering the utmost in mutual pleasure. With all euphoria, it may be indulged in for so long before there in uncontrollable consumption. He and Verna both realized this, and with shared concern, released each other gently and carefully. He gradually became aware of his regular perceptions as if aroused to consciousness from a hypnotic but real fantasy. He mused on his thoughts reveling in the memories of an unbridled passion and desire, cherishing because they are not of an intense or lustful way.. He had an enormous family, and the pews of the funeral home’s small chapel were filled to capacity. My brother-in-law, the severe looking man with the beady eyes who was taking over the family business, delivered a glowing eulogy of my father, all of his contributions, his generous love of his family and friends, his dedication to honesty and principle. Finally, it was time for the family to say their last goodbyes. As I stood by the casket, I looked at my father’s face, finally peaceful, lacking all of the anger I was accustomed to seeing there. I touched his hand, and brushing away unexpected tears, I tucked into his coffin a letter I had written him years before, just before I ran away from home. Around it I had wrapped another letter written only the night before, my letter of letting go. ‘I’m forgiving you, Dad. I have to go on with my life now.’ There was nothing else to say. It was harder than I had ever imagined it would be to let go of that letter, to face the fear that.
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