That is how worn out I was after all the hours of incredible sex and play.I busted my butt and managed to get out of the office by 12:30 in a very chipper mood. For one I was heading home to get Monique for a weekend at the lake and the other reason, Greg had discovered something that made "hairy ass Harry" very vulnerable but that could wait till next week.The forecast for the weekend was great and sailing should be good both days. I was looking forward to the look on Monique's face when she saw how the humble cabin had morphed into a respectable year-around home. I for one could see spending my retirement there with maybe a condo in the city for those days when we wanted the theater, a concert or one of those charity functions that I was sure would not go away.On the way home, I stopped at a seafood store to pick up our dinner for the evening. A couple dozen clams and some good sized lobster tails all to be cooked on the grill. I throw the clams on the grill and when they pop open. Repeat. Though I’m physically charged almost every waking minute, I’m mentally drained. So much so, that it took several visits to Ethan’s before it actually occurred to me that I was cheating on Jess. What Ethan and I do feels so different, so other that I actively didn’t realize that I’m being unfaithful for an embarrassingly long time. When it hits me, I feel terrible. Jess is an amazing woman and I’m the one who pushed to be exclusive with her. She’s a wild girl at heart and I’ve tried to tame her, only to screw around behind her back. Guilt gnaws at me and I’m finding it harder and harder to know how to act around her. I go through phases where I dote on her and initiate constantly, trying to make up for what I’m doing to her, and then phases where I don’t.Should I be sleeping with her when I’m thinking of him? No, probably not, but if I don’t, won’t she feel like I’m not attracted to her anymore? Round and round I go.What with the Ethan-induced madness and the Jess-induced.
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