I used cold water. I don't know why. I think I began hating myself. I had no integrity, no dignity. I could be manipulated, controlled, by someone who was supposed to be a student of mine.. I saw the shaving cream. Of course, I used it. Very little had grown, but I thought it would be safe to both avoid allowing it to poke me today, and this way Shanda would be pleased and, perhaps, not be a total bitch. Something inside my chest melted into sludge as I realized I would have to put effort not only into doing as she said, but attempting to make her happy. The sludge in my chest was mud. I could almost taste it.I got to her house a few minutes before noon. Her drive-way was empty. She told me her mother wouldn't actually be home when I got there, and it looked to be true. It depressed me when I heard it, but I half expected it already. I sat in my car a few minutes. I wasn't going inside until I had to. A good song was on anyhow. It ended, and I shut off my car. I focused. I got my. " And I asked you not to call me Billie in front of strangers." I like the name Billie better than Bill; it suits you better."Two days later Kathy invited Frank and his sister Ann to dinner. They shared an apartment on the 8th floor while we had one on the 2nd. Frank was not working full time. He was an artist. He didn't sell much so he supplemented his income by teaching art classes at home. Ann worked in an office and I think it was her paycheck that paid most of the bills.Kathy cooked the dinner and the roast was overdone and the potatoes were not cooked enough. Frank commented, "Cooking never was what you did best. Should I tell Billie what you are good at?" Now behave yourself Frank, Billie doesn't need to know everything."Ann was very quiet. She was fat with short black hair and kind of shy. Kathy and Frank did most of the talking.We settled into married life. Kathy had quit her job when we got married. I only got to make love to her once every 2 weeks. The first time I.
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