He intervened anyway.“The application of pain, along with having to answer a possibly embarrassing and personal question is like a cocktail. Too much rum or too much ice and it spoils it. You have nothing but ice in your drink,” he said. “Ask one question for each slap as a general rule. Keep a nice solid cadence. You don’t have to ask a question if you can’t think of one. Don’t let her get away with little half answers. There are a lot of things your mom does with her ass besides shit and fart. The fault lies with her for not being honest but with you for lobbing softball questions and accepting a yes or a no. If you are going to do affirmations in front of me, then you will do them right. Start over and hit her again if she doesn’t answer completely,” he gave me some immediate tips, and it took a few tries but after the first ten, I felt like I understood the general principles. When I first heard of affirmations, I thought they were something Stuart Smalley did in a skit Saturday. ”“Is that all you have to say for yourself after spending the night with some girl in a filthy motel room?” Mom exclaimed.“First, yes, that’s all I have to say. Second, it wasn’t some girl; it was Jasmine. Third, the room was really quite clean and I cleaned up all my painting mess before we left this morning,” I said. I saw that there was a big bowl of Chex Mix in front of Grandma and helped myself as I went into the kitchen to get a DP. I went back in to sit beside Grandma and have more of the mix. “What have you all been doing today?”“We’ve been talking about you,” Dad said. “You had us very worried. You turned off your phone.”“I really didn’t want to be disturbed, Dad. I let you know I was fine and who I was with.”“You know you aren’t allowed to stay out all night,” Mom almost shrieked.“Mom, you and Dad have been telling me for three months how things have changed now that I’m eighteen and I need to be taking care of myself. So, I’m eighteen and I took care of myself.”“You still.
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