I met the group on Saturday, but then took off on my own. I ran by myself and kept my problems to myself. I allowed the ‘victim’ label to permeate and infiltrate my very being. Where I once had been confident and brave, I now looked over my shoulder. But it wasn’t just the fear of being victimized again. I lived in constant fear that someone would find out and I would become known as the woman who got herself raped. But that isn’t what happened: I didn’t allow this crime to happen. I was overpowered, and I am not responsible for what happened to me. I spent a year in therapy, which was really helpful, but it was in finally telling friends and family that I got my mental strength back. I wanted to do it alone, but letting other people help me actually made me stronger. Eventually I met a friend who also had things in his past he wasn’t proud of, but he showed me how to put it to good use. That friend not only has freedom from worrying what people think of him, he has also used his. Daniel laughed at her and tried to pull her back inside but Vera just grinned at him and howled out the window into the rushing darkness. The bar was crowded and dim. They squeezed in around a sticky table by the stage and Daniel went to buy drinks. There were some young guys on the stage, moving wires around and testing their instruments. Chris and Lucien waved at the bass player until he noticed them and gave a too-cool nod of recognition. Daniel came back and passed out plastic cups of beer. He squeezed in next to Vera and she smiled at him. On her other side Lucien put his big, warm hand on her bare knee under the table. Vera sipped her drink. The band introduced themselves and started playing with a crash of guitars. Between the music and the crowd it was very loud in the bar, making conversation near impossible. Daniel tried to say something to Vera but she just shrugged and shook her head. Lucien’s thumb made little excruciating circles on the inside of her thigh. The band was.
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