"Why are you trying so hard to incriminate yourself, young one?" she asked, and he saw her struggling to sit up.He didn't even try to understand why she seemed to know what he thought. He swayed back and forth as a wave of nausea hit him when he also sat up. The sensation subsided quickly, however, and he found himself in a battle of stares with the matriarch."Because I hope someone will punish me for what I have destroyed," he pleaded in anguish. "There is no point in pretending. You've seen my mind, madam – or both minds until recently. You have seen what wonderful gift Trip and T'Pol have given me by offering me their friendship and what did I give in return? I ogled his wife while he was getting mutilated." And I thought Charles was illogical," the matriarch replied dryly. "Blaming yourself for what happened to Charles is patently illogical, young one. As a result you also have no reason to consider yourself guilty for what you did at the time. I have followed the life of all four. The question is more one of what you do with those emotions, whether you let them take over or not. Which depends on to what degree you experience those emotions, and how capable you are of being mindful of them without letting them run your life. ‘But yeah,’ he went on, sounding more tentative, and less like an instructor all of a sudden. ‘We got jealous sometimes. ‘For both of us, I’m sure that the basis of the jealousy was not so much about being worried about being upstaged sexually – we both knew that new relationships had a special sexual excitement about them that was its own thing, and comparisons were silly. The jealousy was more about fear of scarcity – fear of losing the relationship, and being lonely. Because generally we weren’t both in a second relationship at the same time, it just didn’t go that way. So one of us always could potentially worry about being alone.’ ‘And it’s hard to remember that part of your life, and those feelings?’ I asked, for clarification,.
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