Winter was thus the time when I thought most about the life I had lost. Specifically, I thought about my daughter, now estranged to me thanks to my ex-wife. I had no idea where they were, the last known address was in Sioux Falls, but that had been three years earlier. I lamented the fact that I had missed my daughter’s high school career, that I was not able to teach her how to drive, that I was not able to watch her grow from the little girl who had sat happily in my lap while I read Disney books into a young woman who would likely do great things during her lifetime. Winter was when the tears came, when the gray strands became more prominent, when the darkness of the night mirrored the despair of my soul. ***** Early in the springtime of my sixth year at Faller’s Forest, a television production crew came to interview me. They were looking for stories about the ‘forgotten side’ of racing: the life of a volunteer trackside worker, for example, without whom no race could safely. The only thing that seemed to hit home with her was the only thing she wanted to discuss. “Are you really telling me that you love me?“You do know that other than one kiss, which I literally had to steal from you, we’ve barely held hands, haven’t even imagined having sex, or even seen each other in anything but dress up clothes. And yet, despite all that, you sit there saying that you love me?“Really?”Her expression was a combination of confusion, hopefulness and arousal. Somehow putting my true feelings in words brought out the whole woman in her. It was an amazing thing to sit and watch her wrestle with the outfall of my declaration. A flush crept up her neck to take over her face, and both hands shook as she held my wrist, unable to let me go.In times of serious stress, I find it is always a good preventive measure to help my women find some sort of balance. To help Summer over that hump I kissed her hard enough to make my point. She sat stock still throughout the kiss and then.
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