And then there's Amy. A totally innocentyoung girl, dead or gone heaven knows where. Because of me.I can't, I can't handle this. I'm gonna, I'm gonna kill myself. I've gota wee plastic stool in my room for sitting on. Some time when Mummy'swatching telly I can take it to the kitchen and stand on it and find aknife and cut my wrists, or my throat or something. I can't live likethis. I'm gonna end my worthless existence properly this time, I'mgonna... Oh, fuck, don't be stupid. I can't do that. What'll Mummy think?Am I gonna cause her the same suffering I caused my old parents? No.That'd be the lousiest thing ever. I can't do that. And anyway she's toocareful. She'd never let me near the kitchen unsupervised. There probablyare no sharp knives within my reach, even standing on my stool. Andanyway, I'm a complete coward. There's no way I could stick a knife inmyself. Not if my life depended on it.I'm gonna have to live this out. I'm gonna have to pretend to be Amy, thebest I can, for. She said, "It is not a crazy diet." You're sure," Karen asked.Denise wasn't sure that what she was doing was sane, but the diet wasn't crazy. There wasn't really a diet. She answered, "I'm sure." Okay," Karen said leaving the cubicle. There was something off in how Denise was acting, but she couldn't put a finger on it. She had never really been all that open, but now it seemed like there was some huge secret looming behind her.Denise worked on the user manual until lunch time. She picked up her bag lunch and headed over to the lunch room. She took her normal place at her usual table and opened the bag. Karen walked past and glanced at the submarine sandwich with more than a little surprise. She paused and asked, "Is that your lunch?" Yes," Denise answered."That's more than you usually eat," Karen said wondering if the weight loss was actually a symptom of a serious health problem."I guess," Denise answered. She had been eating the same kind of lunch every day since joining the.
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