And ... at long last ... maybe it’s OK. I can’t say I won’t fall off the wagon and become a screaming Mimi again from time to time, but I promise to try to ... stay in control.”A long silence again.“I might want to ‘date’ occasionally.” I don’t know why I said that. My god!Another long silence.“Are you saying ... you might have sex with someone else, then?”“You did!”Long silence as we came into our village. The streetlights cast their picket fence light into the car, flashing across us as if from a passing train.“And I have to assume that you will do so again. I understand that a little bit better too. Maybe it’s impossible to have that fairyland marriage where everyone does everything just right and keeps monogamous. Maybe it’s impossible. I was living up to the marriage vows and I thought you were too, so that let me build it up in my mind and now it has crashed around me. I don’t want to get back into the arguments again. It does not do any good. So this is the best solution I can. This is manageable when I get off at 4:00 but not when I get off at 6:00pm.Due to the added stress the headaches have returned. They are nowhere near as bad as they were though one or two has gotten my attention. I’ve had one red letter day when I was hitting a full 99% of my capacity. Not only was my mind crystal clear I was able to work on a plumbing problem WHILE discussing philosophy on the phone with one of my best friends. That absolutely rocked! Not only multitasking, but doing philosophy - WOOHOO! I had some trouble naming sources, but still I was kicking ass.I was apprehensive about my meeting today. I worried about it for like two days. I was like this is gonna suck. I don’t want to talk about the Night of Hell, but I have to if I want to get better. My therapist is a Malaysian cutie with a Masters in counseling. She was very nice and easy to get along with. Today was mostly a meet and greet with a couple of explorations into the hot spots. For a youngster, she’s not too.
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