Why am I holding my breath? It’s as if I’ve willed my heart to stop beating, as if I’m trying to simply freeze the moment because I’m afraid of the next second, minute, hour. I find my way back to you and release my lungs slowly, silently, hoping you haven’t noticed. I re-focus on you, forgetting myself and my brain’s unrelenting suppositions. Where are your hands now? Where will they go? Will they stop? When? At what point will you draw the line? It will have to be you who alters the course of this encounter. Whether subconscious or otherwise, I decided weeks ago that I would do nothing to stop this moment if I were to find myself lost here, caught between my dreams and reality, unwilling to force myself to realize on which plane I’m standing: one that’s too enticing to give up, the other too undeserved to ask for . My hands reach up toward your shoulders, the detail of your back quickly memorized and cataloged by my palms. I pause. To be able to remember this moment later, I need. I believe a woman needs to behave with propriety and decorum. Whilst I’m opposed to overtly sexual displays, I’m not overly modest,’ Denise protested. ‘Because of your expressed attitudes regarding sex, I cannot believe you are truly a Jamaican woman. In fact, it’s my belief that you’re actually a transplanted English prude,’ Will countered. It took a moment before she explained, ‘In a way I am English. I know it’s an oddity, but while the women in my family are wide-hipped and large-busted, we are light-skinned, except my thin and athletic sisters. However, the men are white, tall, thin, proper Englishmen. My mother is a caramel-skinned, mulatto from Kingston who married a white gentleman from the Kensington area of London. My maternal grandmother has a similar story. She is half-Jamaican and married an Englishman. My Jamaican maternal great-grandmother married a white gentleman who was born in Jamaica, but whose parents were both from England.’ Will noted, ‘While that explains your.
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