" Ladies, ladies I'm just a new guy around here trying to work off a few calories and some extra beer from this past week. You two look like you're in pretty good shape, so maybe we can be workout buddies," I smiled with open arms."You the guy been sparkin' Kathy? You the one that took out the slime ball Jeff?" Helen asked."Kathy and I have gone out and Sunday we went to Busch Gardens with her kids." We know that," Gretchen commented. "You went with Charlie and his wild red headed wife." No secrets around here, huh?" I asked."Not when it has to do with a new young stud moving in," Helen smiled.Gretchen asked, "You here permanent or what?" I'm on vacation, a long vacation," I said remembering about buying twenty grand worth of work tools yesterday."So what do you do that makes you want to have a long vacation?" Helen asked."Until last week, I was working on oil pumping and drilling platforms off the coast of Belize. I've been working hard for the oil companies, seventy to eighty hours. .. I resolve to, uh, get my, uh, offline work done too!4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.5. I resolve to back up my 1GB hard drive daily ... well, once a week ... okay, monthly then ... or maybe... 6. I will spend less time on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I’m not a clock watcher.7. When I hear a funny joke I won’t reply “LOL ... LOL!”8. I will read the manual ... just as soon as I can find it.9. I will think of a password other than “password.”10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.I’ve found that women are the chief cause of men’s lying. ... They insist on asking too damn many questions!!!Some bars have the strangest rules when ya think about it. I mean, why do I have to wear a shirt and tie to go in a bar to see a topless dancer.The Top 15 New Slogans for the Republican Party15. Putting the HIP back in Hypocrisy14. Adultery with Dignity13. $40.
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