Since my too-serious childhood, this pattern has persisted into my adult life. I noticed that I was different at a young age, others seemed give themselves freely to the feral abandon of delight while I watched, nervously chewing at my fingertips and smiling when they did. It was not for a lack of trying that I was unhappy, indeed my attempts at contentment seemed so consuming that I ended most days exhausted and misery-rich with failure. A dull grayness rolled over the evening of my life as surely as stormclouds fill a blue sky until the very air seems covered in film. Even now my horizons are not clear, but now when the color begins to drain from my existence, I think of the sea lion. * * * * * * * * * * Sea spray lashed my body. I gripped the ladder to the flying bridge and swayed with the Ginny Lee, that tiny and foolish bit of debris in the cold, dark ocean. The winds ripped open the buttons of my raingear but I dared not loose my hold for fear of tumbling into the troubled sea.. Looking around I saw the man with his eyes large as the gun came to bear on him. His hand pushed the gearshift up and I stepped over the two men and crossed the six feet to the open window of the car.I heard my voice say very slowly, "Turn the engine off, now."The man just looked at me in fright but he did not move nor did the car. It must have taken a few moments but the car engine slowed down. "Hand me the keys." I said in a more normal voice and my left hand came out to get them. It took a moment again but the man did grip the key and the engine came to a halt. He looked to be trying to find a way out of his dilemma. "This gun better not go off in the car. If the bullet does not make a hole in you the sound will deafen you. Give me the key and don't try to run."The man swallowed then handed me a single key. "Get out of the car but come this way." The man did not move. "If I get nervous, my finger twitches and you accidentally die. Come out now."The man moved toward me and I gave.
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