"Just take alook...holy shit, what's wrong?" Nothing... everything... nothing. Never mind." You're really freaked, aren't you?" Look at me, Lisa. I'm a joke. I'm a little queer with tits. I'mpathetic." That's enough," she said sternly. "You are NOT a freak, and stopfeeling sorry for yourself. I am not a freak, I do not associatewith freaks, so just stop it." Do you know what my father would say if he saw me?" Fuck him." You know what," I said angrily. "I'm sorry if I'm scared. I'msorry I'm not jumping up and down and doing twirls. But I'mscared. How would you feel if your whole life was crystallized atonce, and you realized how fucked up you were? How would itfeel," and then I started bawling again."I'm sorry, Jess. I really am. You're right. I didn't realize howscary this could be. Maybe subconsciously that's why I asked forsix months. So you could adjust. I really can't tell you how muchI appreciate this. Whatever you need to feel comfortable, I'll doit," she said, fumbling around. My first visit to JT's office came after a poor performance on a pop quiz. I received a C and was desperate for help. He gave me an evening appointment and when I got to his office, he greeted me with a broad smile. As he pulled up a chair for me, it was obvious that he dwarfed my 5'7", 150 lb. frame. As we went through some of the topics he suggested I focus on for the next test, we laughed as he told stories about former students. When we were finished, he pulled out my chair for me and walked me to the door. As we walked he suggested we meet again Friday night and review the upcoming test. He also said that I should sit toward the front of class so he could keep an eye on me. I agreed to both as he opened the door for me and patted me on the back, goodbye.When I got to JT's office on Friday, he greeted me with a smile but seemed very distracted. I sat as he walked around the room collecting papers to take home. The whole time he was going over my last test, telling me how well I.
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