M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know, and their children, and theirs, and so many that I cannot think it, all dead, so long ago.What happens to M’kamba when I am no longer there, when I am vanished and do not return from hunt? Is it only my fantasy, my wish, that Siefert takes her as his woman and she accepts him for her man? I do not know, I can never know.But in my heart it is so. I am vanished, and M’kamba has no man, and Siefert has no. After a while, he decided to say something to me. I know why dad left. he said. I was a little surprised by his remark. You do??? I asked, interested to see what he was going to continue with. Mmmm-hmmm he muttered, looking a little angry. Its because youre a fucking whore. I then turned my attention to him, my eyes bugging out. What???? Son of a bitch! I was shocked and a bit pissed. Come on mom, Ive been home during summer vacation when youve had men here in the park come over to fuck you. Id hear it going on in your room. The wall arent exactly thick. You listened to….and with them….I…. I was jacking off listening in on it. Sometimes Id peek into your room and would watch you sucking cock, getting fucked in your cunt…or even your ass once! Where the fuck did you learn this kind of language? I asked. Steve laughed at me. Oh come on mom, you dont think I havent checked out porn? One of your boyfriends in the park let me borrow it. Who??? I aint telling you. But what I am gonna.
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