I wasthinking, "Fine, this is what you want, my attention, right?" In amoment of surprise, he jumped away from me a bit and took his hand offme. I didn't understand why he did that. Maybe it was because this wasthe first time I acknowledged him. He just stood there. The rest of hisgang did the same, as if they were amazed at something I was doing. Ididn't get it. Was there a teacher behind me? Was fire coming out of myeyes from my inner nightmare? But no one was here but me and therecertainly wasn't any fire really coming out of my eyes.... That was justa bad joke. Whatever. If they had nothing to say, then I was out of hereand back to thinking about my nightmare. I started walking again to mynext class.I started thinking of my nightmare again. It wasn't really a nightmarethough, but that word is the best way I could describe it. It's more ofa past experience I have, no... More like another world I lived in, outof this real world, but at the same time, it is also of this world.. I knew some in school who were doing just that.I knew better. Ysabela saw the letter too. "Kara, mi Corazon," she said, "let your father be happy for his reasons. You should be happy for your own. Hurting him is not going to do you good."That was sort of my mantra: Let others find satisfaction in what I did, but I did it for me.Except ONE thing. Sex. Knew all about it. After all, it was a big portion of my dad's relationships to Stepmoms One through Three. And heaven knows, as soon as I had breasts (not that they're that big anyway) I started getting urged to contribute to the happiness of any of several boys.The only mother in my life spoke with me frankly about it, about how love was still a reason. "There are other reasons, too, mi Corazon. I know of many of them. When I came to America, I had friends. They found they could make more money much faster by understanding those feelings." Prostitution?" Perhaps. Or just trading their bodies for better pay in jobs like mine. There is a.
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