I had slightly dark circles beneath my eyes, but they’d go away. There was something about my reflection in the mirror. For the first time in years, it matched the way I thought about myself. Unless I was actually looking in a mirror, I felt ageless. I still thought of myself as a seventeen-year-old but was trapped in a fat, aging body that didn’t get out much. But the crows’ feet that reminded me of my age on most mornings were gone. Smooth. Skin without a blemish. Dark blue eyes that saw clearly, even through the hung-over haze.I stepped back and looked down my body. My skin glowed. No wrinkles. No sag. It was young and tan and healthy. My middle-aged stomach was flat and I could actually see the edge of my hipbones. And then I looked down.“Fuck! Shit! God damn it!”Come and blood matted my pubic hair. I was terrified. I remembered looking at this sight twenty-five years ago. I was young again. I was seventeen. I knew this bathroom. It wasn’t a hotel. I was home. I remembered that. You're a genius. If he's working, will he be able to get time off?" You have his number." Can you call him?"“Are you sure you want to do this?” I said.“Dean made me do it to prove I was a submissive slut for him. Doing it for you feels very different.”“How?”“Because if I said no, you’d be okay with it. You wouldn’t bully me, or put me down and if I do it, you won’t think I’m being unfaithful to you. True?”“Yeah, definitely.”“And that gives me a platform to try harder than I ever did with Dean. It’s like diving into cold water, if someone shames you into it then you go for the minimum you can away with. But if you feel safe, then you really go for it. Does that make sense?”“Yeah,” I said, “I think I’m beginning to get it.”Carol stood up and pulled me to my feet."Are you absolutely sure?" she said."Yeah... and anyway it's no different to Eddie." The pizza boy is bigger." But he's about to go away." He might get ideas, they have holidays. He could be here a long time in the summer.".
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