Only when he left again to visit the toilet did I drink down the juice. I couldn't eat.What did he talk about? Everything really. At first of course he talked about how he loved me and his life began with me and all these things that I ... well I knew already and if I wasn't stone cold freaked out, I would be agreeing and saying, "right back at you Lover."Then he talked about his life, about growing up awkward and put upon and shy. He told me about his friends, Dave and Bobby and JB, how they played, had adventures, taught each other about music and philosophy and how they got stoned in JB's basement when they got older. He talked about a surreal moment when a pretty girl joined them and how they acted so different and he wasn't there impressing her but his friends were and he wondered if he should be impressing her too. He had a girlfriend then and he thought he loved her but he cheated on her with her friend one time and never told her and he thought that was weird too. Weird. " I listen to you explaining how good you are whilst staring out of the shaded window. When I hear you fall silent, I snort my derision. "What good is money to me when all I want is you? Don’t you get it?” I ask bitterly. “Money... money... money... It’s all you ever fucking think about when you leave me here alone." My tone is harsh, even to my ears and I see your body slump in defeat. Seeing your reaction I wonder if I’ve gone too far and this moments guilt makes me hesitate for a split second. ‘Are you really upset or is this part of the game?’ I ask myself yet again. We both know I struggle with this, keeping up the pretence of anger when all I want to do is take you in my arms, and this sort of gesture is bound to make me insecure. ‘Should I keep going or abort?’ Through my fingers, I feel you relax and sigh heavily. “You little minx,” I whisper inaudibly. Without looking at you, I can feel you smiling, enjoying this little charade. I sigh again; even in this submissive state.
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