A group of school c***dren board the train. I imagine them singing: We know where you’re going, we know where you’re going!’ I get a grip of myself. I get closer to my dirty destination. My excitement… and anxiety increase. What if I suffer a heart attack? I visualise the headlines in the local paper: Respectable local man dies in brothel – partner never knew. Witty whispers: ‘He went before he came!’ I alight at Pokesdown Station – aptly named – and I’m reminded of a rough suburb of London. I stroll down Boscombe High Street trying not to look like a bloke visiting a prostitute. I’m outside and press the buzzer – I’m sure everybody is looking at me. My heart is pounding. Answer the facking door! I want to say. A plain middle-aged woman lets me in. I’m disappointed. ‘Tanya will be with you in a minute.’ Relief… Tanya is her working name. I know another Tanya – a tragic Tanya but that is a story for another day. Tanya is gorgeous: blonde, tanned and beautiful – she’s a younger and. My lower stomach churns, as I get thefeeling like I did the one time I had a stomach bug. My head feels emptyinside but the head itself so strangely heavy. Mom's and Olivia's voicesbecome dry, echo like sounds, bouncing around but indecipherable. I shake abit, feeling oddly cold. Their voices continue as I don't recall anythingfor the next number of moments. I feel rather numb, but something is beingdone to me, but I'm not entirely sure what. I try to ask what's going on,but I'm not sure if anything I tried to say got out. I close my eyes...Suddenly, I'm wide awake again, as I look about. The room shakes onlyslightly, but focuses immediately. Olivia is staring right at my face, mereinches away. I lurch back and scream in surprise, but... this wasn't my voice.It was really high pitched. I lean back hard into mom's chest, as she smilesand chuckles a bit."She's awake!" Olivia smiles, proudly standing tall."You did well Olivia. Now, how're you feeling?" She smiles down at me."M-me?" I.
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