Vanessa shook her head and said a loud: ‘Stop it!’ to bring herself around and began to concentrate only on her driving and the route that she was taking homeward. ‘Gotta get this junk out of my mind,’ she said to herself severely. ‘Just out of my mind.’ (The often insistent inner voice put in its own two cents at that point: ‘Got his writin’ on yo’ black ass, girl!’) Vanessa moaned and said, again out loud: ‘Go away, Nessa, you’re not wanted here!’ Only to be answered quickly: ‘Nigger gal doan know what’s good for her! Dat Massa Dave is good as gold for her, jes good as gold!’ Vanessa snapped on the radio to try to drive the voice from her mind. She was determined not to sink into all that shit again. But her determination was only met with the still insistent inner voice: ‘You hope!’ ‘Yes,’ Vanessa said out loud then, ‘I hope.’ She could immediately here the voice of her inner Nessa laughing, almost cackling at Vanessa’s vain hope. At home she decided on a glass of wine, not too. Funny, I never thought of our Southern Baptist church as a meatmarket, but I guess he got what he came for, even if it wasn’t eternal salvation. I told myself that I’d never get ‘crazy’ online, that I’d never tell anyone my real name, where I lived, or God forbid, give them my phone number! If there is one thing I should have learned by the time I was 40, it was to never say never. Guess I saved that lesson for age 41. My firstattempts at ‘chatting’ were pathetic. I had no idea what to do, how to do it, or what the hell everybody in there was talking about. It seemed to me that there was some foreign language going on, and I had only the experience of the wild woman answering our phones at night to rely on. She told me about ICQ, the instant messaging program, and I still have it on my computer to this day. It is probably the ONLY thing I still access since my ‘newbie’ days, mostly because websites that were my favorites no longer exist. You could find ANYTHING online back in the.
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