“It’s for training dogs,” I said, saying the first thing that came to my head.“Honey, what’s this cage for? It’s pretty large for just dogs, isn’t it?” she asked.“Great Danes, mom.” I shot back.“Oh, son, I don’t think it’s acceptable in 2020 to have whips like these for the animals,” she chided.“Tough shit!” I responded, having no good comeback for that one.“Language, Steve-O!” Mom huffed.I sighed.“Where’s the hole in this red rubber ball? How do you wear it as a clown’s nose?”“Mom, let’s just…”“Ooh, what are these tiny little clamps for?” she asked, picking up the new nipple clamps I’d bought for my gal.“Those are nail clippers, Ma!” Hey, her sight is failing too, she might believe that!Then she saw the Hitachi wand. “Oh, what a nice powerful back massager!” she exclaimed.“That’s to massage the St. Bernards, they have thick hair,” I said, shaking my head as she continued farther into the dungeon.“Honey is that a dentist’s chair? Are you studying to be a dentist?” she asked.Huh?“Yes,. I looked into my refrigerator so I could use it’s emptiness as an excuse to go to the downtown diner for breakfast. I might be the last one left who called it that. It was in the old downtown, not the new downtown of the bigger and better Triboro merged city.Anyway, I found my excuse in the empty refrigerator because Thia kept her promise. She came by and emptied my refrigerator after I left town. What she couldn’t use herself she trashed. That is why I never bought in bulk. My idea of buying in bulk was a can of Pillsbury refrigerated canned cinnamon rolls. There were at least a half dozen cans of that icing, which came with them laying around. I iced them with peanut butter instead of the sticky white icing. It was so that I could fool myself into thinking there some nutrition in them.I drove the Accent to the Walmart store, even though I had no intention of buying much of anything. So much for good intentions. We all know where that road leads. I always liked the scene from my.
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